Shower Thoughts

It’s kind of ironic that “blinding” has two “i”s.

If there are no atheists in foxholes, what religion do foxes practice?

Why are there no mothers in fairy tales?

If you’re an air conditioner repairman, your workplace is never air conditioned.

If you’re Number One, you’ll always be considered odd.

You can’t get a hug without also giving a hug.

People say life is short but it is literally the longest thing you will ever experience.

I know what eggs are, but what are nogs, exactly?

People say that things are on fire, but really, fire is on things.

Using a bayonet is literally bringing a knife to a gun fight.

What was the best thing before sliced bread?

Aren’t cupholders just cups for cups?

When people say they forgot something, what they usually really mean is they remembered something.

Is Santa Claus a giant elf?

Dogs probably think belts are collars for humans.

Wouldn’t you rather pay extra for priority deboarding than for priority boarding?

 Dippin Dots have been the dessert of the future for like 35 years.

Shoveling snow is just pushing your problems to the side and waiting for them to go away.

If you stay home because someone at work got you sick, you should be able to use THEIR sick days.

When you clean a vacuum cleaner, you become a vacuum cleaner.

Buying a new laptop from your old laptop is like making someone hire their own hit man.

If we clap our hands after waking someone up, does it really mean we’re happy?

Putting together IKEA furniture as an adult is like putting together a Lego kit when you were a kid.

People go and see comedians for fresh material but go see bands to hear old material.

Wouldn’t it be great if people posted updated LOST PET signs so everyone could have closure?

Before smartphones we had a legitimate excuse for being late on the first day back after changing the clocks for Daylight Savings Time.

The more people you meet the harder it is to pick a name for your unborn child.

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