Dogs probably think belts are collars for humans.
Wouldn’t you rather pay extra for priority deboarding than for priority boarding?
Dippin Dots have been the dessert of the future for like 35 years.
Shoveling snow is just pushing your problems to the side and waiting for them to go away.
If you stay home because someone at work got you sick, you should be able to use THEIR sick days.
When you clean a vacuum cleaner, you become a vacuum cleaner.
Buying a new laptop from your old laptop is like making someone hire their own hit man.
If we clap our hands after waking someone up, does it really mean we’re happy?
Putting together IKEA furniture as an adult is like putting together a Lego kit when you were a kid.
People go and see comedians for fresh material but go see bands to hear old material.
Wouldn’t it be great if people posted updated LOST PET signs so everyone could have closure?
Before smartphones we had a legitimate excuse for being late on the first day back after changing the clocks for Daylight Savings Time.
The more people you meet the harder it is to pick a name for your unborn child.